I don’t get it.


You’re at a barbecue. You’re really hungry and the place is packed. You gotta choose quickly what you want off the grill or you’re going to get stuck with something you don’t like. There are steaks, but they’re thin, dry and overcooked. Your buddy is like, “Dude, it’s steak. Just put some sauce on it, it’ll be fine.” There are also brats. But they’re really undercooked and you might get food poisoning. Another buddy is like, “Hey man, you better grab a brat or you’re going to be stuck with one of those leathery 4-oz steaks. You’ll still be hungry. Just throw some kraut and onions on one of those fat brats and maybe you’ll puke it up later. At least you won’t go hungry.” Everyone at the barbecue is snatching up the steaks and brats and you’re still starving.

I think I’ll pass and go fill up on beer. I like beer. Especially the dark amber, hoppy kind with a high alcohol content that’s incredibly smooth and filling. I’ll just have a few beers, drink a Gatorade or two, and get an Uber ride home.

I don’t understand why someone would eat a dry, overcooked, chewy, 4oz steak that tastes like lighter fluid. Especially if you find out tomorrow that it wasn’t beef… it was coyote. Or how someone can stomach an undercooked, cold-in the middle bratwurst that might leave you stuck between a puke bucket and a toilet for hours tomorrow. It doesn’t make sense to me.

Don’t listen to your friends. Have a beer… or seven. Don’t put one of those awful dog-steaks or botulism-filled brats into your body.


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