Happy “Buy a Marine a Beer Day”!

This just in:

marines-emblem-beer-steinsMarines like beer. They like it a lot. If you should encounter a Marine, approach slowly with beers visible. Do not make eye contact. Place the beers on the table without spilling. In no circumstances, should you say, “Thank for your service.” Instead, say something  that will put the Marines at ease, such as: “I give these beers in peace, lest you won’t take our women. Try not to smash the place up too bad.” Walk away slowly. If the Marines should tip their glasses to you in appreciation, nod slowly and walk away. Should you hear offensive comments or swear words, take this as a compliment. Marines have a unique language of guttural grunts, curse words and exhortations. Do not be frightened, you’re the safest you’ll ever be in your life while in their presence. In order to maintain this atmosphere of safety and prosperity, continue to send female wait staff to the Marines with more beers. Do not send lite beers unless the Marines appear to be of southern origin. It will be hard to tell the difference because they all look alike despite their pre-Marine heritage. Should the Marines become unruly, start singing, or breaking glassware, leave the area immediately. No civilian should witness the Marine’s intoxication ritual as it has been found to lead to nausea, excessive crying and blindness in civilians. If you are a veteran, do not mention this as they will not care. Using highly sensitive detection glands in their nasal cavities, they can easily detect pogs, grunts and poseurs.

Happy 241st Birthday, Marines! Yargh!


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